Visiting Aragog
by Quirkie4
Summary: Mild Language. Harry and Ron visit Aragog. Its diff from in the movie. What about batteries?!?!?!


Summary: Set in Book #2, We find some interesting facts about Ron's magical abilities (or disabilities rather) and some interesting information on what's going on in Harry and Ron's heads.  
  
Disclaimer: I hereby pronounce you man and.oh wait. I mean I do not own Harry Potter or and related characters and further indicia.  
  
Author's Note: Ok here it goes again. I'm trying for my second fan fiction and this one struck me as my sisters and I were watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.Here goes, hope you like it and don't forget to review!!!  
  
Visiting Aragog  
  
Harry and Ron crept along the path through the dark forest quietly. It was far too dark to see and Harry wondered why he'd been such a retard and hadn't illuminated his wand sooner. "Lumos," he whispered and the tip of his wand lit up, but upon turning it upon all the tiny little spiders that they were surprised as hell that they were keeping up with, it sputtered out. "Crap, I knew I should have replaced the batteries in this thing," he muttered. Ron gasped and said, "IS THAT WHAT EVERYONE HAS BEEN DOING?! I SWEAR I CAN'T GET MY DAMN WAND TO WORK IF MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT AND YOU USE BATTERIES? OH AND I'D ALSO LIKE SOMEONE TO EXPLAIN TO ME WHY MY WAND BROKE SO EASY. YOU'RE WAND GOES THROUGH ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING AND ALWAYS HOLDS UP JUST FINE, BUT MINE? NOOOOO!"  
Harry looked a little embarrassed that he'd let such an important thing slip out of his mouth and quickly blurted out, "We've known for a long time and didn't want to tell you but your wand is made from cardboard."  
"WHAT?!"  
  
After that heated conversation cooled down we still find our heroes wandering after teeny tiny spiders on a forest path that hardly seemed like a forest path anymore. Unfortunately, they were having problems keeping up with the spiders and not accidentally squishing them at the same time. Harry scolded Ron twice for stepping on one. Even though Ron admitted it was an accident, his total girly fear of spiders had once again given him away. "So what Harry? Who cares anyway it's just a little spider! Why are we following them anyways?"  
"Uh.did those slugs eat your brain before you spit them out or did you just not remember that Hagrid is being drug away to Azkaban right now? And Hagrid said that all the answers we needed would be where the spiders are and that's why we're following them dumb ass."  
Ron looked dumbfounded."Oh ok..well you didn't need to be so mean about it ass wipe." Harry threw a look at Ron that made him quickly shut up. And Ron did so without argument considering Harry had just pulled out two fresh batteries for his wand.  
It felt like they had gone on following and stepping on the spiders "accidentally" for forever and to break off this horribly, horribly clichéd sentence, let's say, oh an hour or so they'd been at it. 'Kay?  
Finally they reached a vast open space in the trees and Ron gasped at what he saw.spiders.everywhere.make no mistake Harry was scared too but he was keeping his cool and puffing out his chest to make him look like a big brave man while Ron whimpered at his side.  
But out of the hundreds of thousands of spiders a gigantic spider hung by a thread of web coming out of it's ass slowly dropped down upon them and asked in a low, drawn out voice, "wwhhyy.aarrree.yyyooouuu.hhheeerreee.????"  
"What do we do? What do we say?" Ron asked trembling beside Harry. Harry had to think for a moment. Then something struck him, "Who are you and where did I get this scar?" Ron was amazed, "What does that have to do with the price of Butterbeer in Surrey?" Obviously appalled at Harry's stupid question. Harry looked back at Ron and said, "Hagrid said that all of our questions would be answered at the place that the spiders all went to.doy." Ron gave Harry a look of approval and they both looked back to the big fat spider that made the both of them wish they had a spell to turn their wands into giant fly-swatters. Then the spider answered. "III.aamm.aarraaggoogg...yyyooouuurrr.ssscccaaarrr.iiisss.fffrrrooommm..hhhe ee---wwwhhhooo---mmmuuusssttt---nnnooottt---bbbeee---nnnaaammmeeeddd..." (this whole long drawn out speech is killing my hands.from now on just pretend the words are long and drawn out..otherwise I'll be here all night.)  
Ron, knowing that this answer was the truth then asked, "So you mean if we ask you something you'll know the answer?"  
"Yes."  
Harry then stepped in fearing that Ron would ask the wrong questions from nervousness of talking to a freaking huge spider or mix the words up or something else stupid would pop out of Ron's mouth. "What is petrifying all the kids at the school?"  
"It is-"  
"WAIT A MINUTE HERE!" Ron interrupted Aragog. "Hell if you can tell me the truth about EVERYTHING then answer me THIS smart-guy!"  
"What do you ask?"  
"What can't I get some damn pussy around here?! All these hot witch chicks and not ONE of them finds me attractive? I thought that at least 1 girl out of what? 2000? Would find me at least, a little attractive?"  
Harry was shocked, "Ron?! What's the matter with you? Keep it in your pants man, we're here to find out what's going on with all the petrified kids at school!"  
Aragog finally decided to answer Ron's question, "It's not that you're not attractive young man, it's because-" and was once again interrupted.  
"No Harry, seriously, you wanna ask a giant all knowing spider about someone ELSE?! Think about this! You could know ANYTHING!"  
Harry pondered this a moment.then something struck him, "Hey, same with me, spiderman, I'm the most famous kid at school how come I haven't gotten laid? And could you please tell me of SOMEPLACE to get some damn contact lenses because I don't think these dorky glasses are helping my case!" Ron gave Harry a high five, "Hey good one man."  
Aragog seemed confused, "Uh.Hey listen guys I was told to meet you here and I got this list you see?" He pulled out a small sheet of paper that compared to him, looked like a white paint chip, and pulled out a pair of reading glasses and put them on. "You see this Rowling chick gave me this script thingy you see? I'm supposed to tell you that something evil is lurking at Hogwarts and it's not ME because I wasn't born in Hogwarts but in the forest instead. Oh and something about some chick being killed in a bathroom stall? Does that help?"  
Harry and Ron both stand looking at Aragog with their mouths open in surprise. They then look at each other and slowly turned to walk away disappointed in what they just heard. Harry then muttered to Ron, "Hey it was a good idea, that spider was just being a bitch. I mean what spider needs reading glasses, they have 8 eyes for Pete's-sake."  
  
THE END 


End file.
